My Adventure with Breastfeeding After a Year of Pumping

by Manou Labaki
Lebanon
 
Hi there, my name is Manou. I have baby girl Eleanor who was born via emergency cesarean section (C-section) full-term. She was a healthy baby but a little fierce. She refused to breastfeed the first couple hours and it took us a whole afternoon to get her to latch to one breast as she refused the other. The first two days there at the hospital (very breastfeeding friendly), they helped me feed her directly. I had to express as I didn't want formula for her.

​Back at home the complications started and the breast I was hand expressing from started clogging and hurting badly. Soon the other one did too. By the time my baby was five days old, the pain was unbearable. I called her pediatrician (very breastfeeding oriented as well) and he recommended more hand expressing using warm (not hot) compresses on the breasts. He recommended I get a breast shield and try, maybe the baby would latch on to it. My husband bought all the sizes and types, but unfortunately, we couldn't find one she liked. It was during COVID-19 and not much supply was available. We ended up finding a very big one that she accepted a couple of times before stopping. We called the pediatrician again and he ended up telling me to use an electric or preferably a hand pump to ease the pain until she can latch.
 
Well, it didn't happen, and I still pumped day and night month after month. Each month would feel like the last, first at three months after that at six months followed by nine months until one year, all thanks to La Leche League WhatsApp group support and all the Leader’s help and support.
 
The 12th of February 2024 (my baby girl’s birthday), was the day I decided previously would be my last day of pumping. She would be one year old and I was exhausted and tired of all the pumping, cleaning, sanitizing, feeding, and barely sleeping.
 
Before I continue, I would like to take a moment to appreciate every breastmilk feeding mother but especially the ones that are exclusively pumping because truly they are tireless super heroes. I still recall the sleepless nights waking up every 3 hours to pump for 30 minutes, put in bottles, clean the pump, sterilize and dry for another 30 minutes, go back to bed, and start to fall asleep only to wake up 90 minutes later to a crying baby. It was so hard…
 
Back to my daughter’s first birthday, we had a lovely party with all the family and friends. Around 7 pm, everyone was done and leaving. We cleaned up and it was almost time for bed. I was getting ready to give my daughter a thawed bottle from the stash (I had around a month of breastmilk in the freezer), when out of nowhere my baby came to me and started to feel my breasts.

​I lifted my shirt laughing and just like magic she grabbed the breast with both her hands and latched so perfectly. I fought with/for her for months and months to get her to latch and she never showed interest until that day, the day I decided I would stop, that I was done. It’s like she knew I was at the end of the road and she decided to give me a hand to hold on to and continue.

​Since that day, we tried all kinds of bottles to get her to drink breastmilk from them but none would work. She just wanted to breastfeed. And here we are three years and one month later still breastfeeding and what a lovely thing. It made me love it soo much. Every time someone asks how long will I breastfeed, she is too old now, I would say, “I’ll breastfeed her through teenage years and until she’s a grown up 🤣.”
 
Funny world now that she’s growing up, she’s breastfeeding way less, almost weaning herself. Some days she would breastfeed once, some four times, some not at all.
 
Breastfeeding made my life so much easier. I have a healthy baby, an independent baby, a strong and smart baby. The benefits are endless, and direct breastfeeding makes it so easy to keep going. It’s like an open buffet at night. You just co-sleep and the baby will serve him/herself.
 
I breastfeed to sleep. I breastfeed to ease pain. I breastfeed for comfort. I breastfeed in public, in my house, at a gathering, and in the park. Everywhere, anywhere, whenever she needs to breastfeed.
 
Because one day she will wake up and decide she’s done. That day will be the saddest, happiest day of my life.